Men and Fireworks!

Well as I went on the adventure in seeking out the greatest thing (to a Man) explosives! Have you ever noticed that when you buy Fireworks and men are around they have to make them "BETTER?" It is quite amazing how they look at the great TNT and instantly become an adolescent again, It is a wonder that they live to become adults, As being married to one of those I will make it a better fire work husband I love it it brings out the inner-child with in him. He does have safety precautions it is "Everyone stand Back" This year I will have my children with us for the 4th of July and how great and wonderful it is. They live in California and they don't get to have the fun and excitement of blowing things up. *that I know of" I do feel that all little and big boys should have the opportunity to fire off their own Roman Candle's. Whether we are Adults or Children the fascination of fireworks still makes us all Ooh and Aah about them, we make fun and say ooh and aah about certain thins but yet we still do it.

The adventure of going and getting took an entire Saturday as I held my little one Jeremiah, and 2 friends to Washington hostage in my mini-van and listening to everything from Keith Urban to the Pointer Sisters I have to say they were all good sports, We were like 3 women and a baby on the hunt down for fireworks in the great state of Washington, We traveled all the way to Kelso, 40 miles up the boarder. we stopped at every single tent warehouse and tried to find an Indian Reservation, I even so much ed asked someone in their car with complete headdress and feathers hanging out of it "where are the Indian reservations? they must have gotten a little chuckle from me and stated "were from Oregon" I thought to myself "your in Washington with complete Native American Garb hanging out of your car and blasting Native Music and they can't tell me where a location is?" So I found out that Washington changed the laws this year on would not start selling fireworks until the weekend of the 28th. The problem with that is I will be in Cali picking up the children. As I depressively drive back to the state of Oregon we make a call... I did achieve my goal in making my children "actually husband" very very happy from getting the good old fashioned products of TNT through as I call it "home girl shopping network" ooh yeah the greatest day to blow things up Independence Day will surely be a blast.

Poverty in America

OK I never blog 2 times in a week let a lone 2 times in one day, But I can not let it go about the poverty in the USA.

Poverty

I have never posted a video so I didn't get to say that stuff about how I felt to much about it, I think it all goes back to my drug addiction and how I am great full that I never had to live in the great poverty of most people, It is also the reason I sent my children away from me so that I didn't have to put them through living on the street. Most families that are on the street are not as lucky as I was/am that I was able to ship the children off. I was also one of the lucky ones who only had to sleep on the streets one night out of my entire addiction in Martinez, Ca.. If any of you know about the East Bay in California you know that there are some beautiful homes in that town, But than again there of course is a downtown ( next to the jail) and that is where I was, scared, out of my mind and not knowing what to do...
OK back to the Poverty piece, I learned out and about in the Bay Area that a lot of the families are not on drugs, they are just down on their luck, as you see a person on the corner try not to think of them as drug addicts think of them as someones, Father, Mother, or someones child.. we all think of them as why don't they get a job, why don't they live with family members and why don't they go to a shelter, well How are they suppose to get a job with out an address? how are they suppose to be with family if they have none? and the homeless shelter? are usually full and like Mary and Joseph there is no room at the Inn.
I am not asking for anyone to give the man on the corner any money or the women in the wheelchair. I am just asking for people to look at them in their eyes and tell them Hello,

Learning to survive

For a little over 2 years now my great and wonderful provider, best friend and husband has been working in California, I have never been married to a man who makes sure that he does this for his wife and son so that he can have a roof over our heads and food and of course clothes. I miss him terribly and wish that he was home more often, But I have to look at the positive things about it.. I have learned to deal with a flat tire, change a light bulb and take the trash out.. all of those things that we "Expect" out of the men in our lives.
People often ask how do I do it? the summer before last I just about had a nervous break down do to it, so one day I remembered this news cast when I was living in Illinois and heard of this place called "Cabrini-Green" housing in Chicago. as I was watching this documentary about it, I hear of it being one of the most infamous places in the united states, as the News caster was interviewing an African American women with a baby on her hip and 4 other ones around her stating that she is doing her best to keep her children educated, off the streets from gangs and not selling or using drugs, this women of inspiration worked 3 jobs and tried to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads with no man in her life to help out... and yes I know that poverty is everywhere in the United States and it is a rough job to raise children, I am greatly saddened about how America has the commercials of "Feed the children" of all the 3rd world countries other than the United States.
As I read articles of the housing projects today and how they are changing the neighborhoods and getting rid of those apartments to try and better that area of Chicago. I will never complain about how I don't have my Husband home, I don't have this and how I don't have that. This great man in my life, is Mike.... he has taught me to love again, he has helped me get reunified with my own children and he has never complained about having to work out of town. Mike in a way saved my life by telling me one day that I always said "if I had a place to get clean and sober I would" Mike offered that opportunity and I took it. for that I am forever in debt.

The greatest things in life are;

The greatest things in my life by far are my children;
I have 3 boys and 1 girl
Each one as you read have some sort of me in them, after not seeing or hearing or even not knowing where they all were at one time in my life (due to my own stupidity) I often think of DNA and think WOW they are my children.

Boy number 1 ooh actually Man #1 "Jim Justin Jordan II aka "J" tall handsome and RED hair, I was 19 when I had him and boy how life changing that was. he is my only one with Red hair, he is tall like his Dad he has my eyes and his fathers nose, he enjoys music like me and his Dad, he is a wonderful mixture of his father and I. He is smart and brilliant with music, and will be graduating next year. I made the mistake of getting into drugs heavily and I have not physically seen him since he was 9 years old. I am sure that he has a lot of questions for me but the only one I could answer is that the best thing I ever did for him (which I am not sure if he will agree) is I sent him to his aunt and uncles in Utah., he has since moved in with his Dad and Step Mom, and I will be forever great full for raising such a talented and intelligent young man.. If I could guess who and what The fascinating J will be when he is older? It will be a Musical Conductor, anything that has to do with music a producer , a musician anything he wants to be

ahhh child #2 the talented singer Miss Mycalah Anne Zapper aka "stinkerbell", age 12 I see how she is and her behavior is freakishly like mine. she won't eat sea food our Motto is "If it's from the sea it's not for me" she doesn't eat meat on a bone you know only chicken breast boneless and skinless, she walks like me smiles and has the same facial expressions, (it's quite creepy) we keep staring at each other and I am sure the same thoughts go through our minds. She Miss Mycalah will go up and be a scientist that sings. For Mothers day weekend we all traveled down to California for her singing competition this was the first Mothers day in so many years that I have spent with them , She didn't tell me that she had a solo in the competition and to my surprise there she was singing "I am just a small voice" she is petite and she is growing into a beautiful young lady. ooh and by the way she'll kick your butt at the drop of a hat!

# 3 Dyl pickle who got his name from the older siblings. Dylan Patrick Zapper he is testing, he is unsure of who I am. he is at the ripe old age of 8 who will soon be 9. I don't blame him for being weary about who I am. I mean come on, I think the last time I saw him he was 2 years of age, he has questions, he is uncertain but he is coming around, we are learning a lot about each other, he is the spitting image of my father with the ears and all. he has his fathers personality, and my temper. Julie their dad's fiance is who he calls Mom, he asked me one day if he could call me "Mother" and all I could think of was the Pink Floyd song so we decided on Momma .He also loves music the child has rhythm and wants a drum set, after great deliberation between his father and I we have decided NO! he has a wonderful talent of making people laugh, he is my sensitive one (if he reads this when he's older I am sure I'll never hear the end of it). He will be a professional dirt bike rider, or an author due to how much he reads.

and #4 the surprise of my life., after only having 6 months clean Jeremiah Michael Anderson aka "Bull Frog" , came into my life in a flash. he grew in my heart and not in my tummy for he is Mike's bio-logical son, I have had the great pleasure of raising him since he was 6 months old. at the time he was born I had no idea where my other 3 children where they could have been in Asia for all I knew, I didn't know how to live life with out a child to raise that is why I stuffed feelings with drugs. Jerem has been a great challenge, he was born drug-effected he has taught me patients he has taught me how to speak up for children who are in great need of special needs. He is the complete dare devil he has no fear except for the dark, he just graduated from pre-school and is getting ready for kindergarten. if I could guess what he will be when he grows up it would be a "stunt man"

for all my children I love them each and everyone, I love how they all have different personalities I fear my children, and still question if they like or even love me for what I have done, I work as a contractor for child welfare today and my job is to help mom's with drug and alcohol problems get their children back from the foster care system, each and every day I tell my story over and over again in hopes that just one mom will get it before it's too late,

When I was going through the custody battle with Mycalah and Dylan's Dad, I was so ashamed for what I had done, I faced humility, fear, and emotions that I have not brought up for years, someone had told me once that my children will be adults longer than children, BUT I don't care, I want them to be children, and by the grace of God I haven't missed out on High School or College graduations, marriages, and Grandchildren, The greats amends I can do for my children today is staying clean and sober, be present, and I will always love them unconditionally.

TODAY MY CHILDREN WILL NEVER SEE ME LOADED AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brand New Couch for Sale

The couch, well I don't write much on the blog, probably because I work 40 + hrs a week and I am chasing an ADHD child around my house until 8:00pm, and by than I am tired, But the adventure started on Friday where I had a good friend sad and depressed so after work, I went to her farm and made her Peet's coffee (if you know coffee than you know it's the best) any who, I thought that it would be fun to go to an auction with her last night, ooh let me start from yesterday afternoon, I went to pick up the kiddo at Grandmas house and I stated "when are you gonna get a new couch in here?" I really like it it's beige and micro suede and pretty, (of course not for a 4,8,12 year old kids and a husband) but it's pretty, she said not for a while, OK back to the auction, I was under the impression that it was going to be farm equipment, which it was, and low and be hold the couch, there it is, beautiful and brand new, I raised my paddle thinking I was going to be out-bid, how could this lap of luxury go for only (not that much)????? how? any ways obviously I won the couch, NOW comes the hard part of telling the husband who has no idea what I have done, I called him as soon as I got cell phone coverage and tried to explain to him I bought a couch kind of a Christmas, Birthday, Valentines Day, and Mothers Day gift all rolled into one, He is extremely attached to the Hide-a-bed we already own, of course this is not a hide-a-bed, I have some resentment towards this situation, due to if you have a penis you usually get what you want, Say a portable heater for Christmas, some candy for Valentines day, a really great dark chocolate egg from See's Candy for Easter ( i know what your thinking not much BUT it's the thought that counts) and ooh yes, the new 20" flat screen TV with DVD player for the Motor home. I guess this is a pitty party I am having for myself, does anyone want to join? OR does anyone want to buy a couch? by the way the couch in the picture is exactly like the one I bought?