The greatest things in life are;

The greatest things in my life by far are my children;
I have 3 boys and 1 girl
Each one as you read have some sort of me in them, after not seeing or hearing or even not knowing where they all were at one time in my life (due to my own stupidity) I often think of DNA and think WOW they are my children.

Boy number 1 ooh actually Man #1 "Jim Justin Jordan II aka "J" tall handsome and RED hair, I was 19 when I had him and boy how life changing that was. he is my only one with Red hair, he is tall like his Dad he has my eyes and his fathers nose, he enjoys music like me and his Dad, he is a wonderful mixture of his father and I. He is smart and brilliant with music, and will be graduating next year. I made the mistake of getting into drugs heavily and I have not physically seen him since he was 9 years old. I am sure that he has a lot of questions for me but the only one I could answer is that the best thing I ever did for him (which I am not sure if he will agree) is I sent him to his aunt and uncles in Utah., he has since moved in with his Dad and Step Mom, and I will be forever great full for raising such a talented and intelligent young man.. If I could guess who and what The fascinating J will be when he is older? It will be a Musical Conductor, anything that has to do with music a producer , a musician anything he wants to be

ahhh child #2 the talented singer Miss Mycalah Anne Zapper aka "stinkerbell", age 12 I see how she is and her behavior is freakishly like mine. she won't eat sea food our Motto is "If it's from the sea it's not for me" she doesn't eat meat on a bone you know only chicken breast boneless and skinless, she walks like me smiles and has the same facial expressions, (it's quite creepy) we keep staring at each other and I am sure the same thoughts go through our minds. She Miss Mycalah will go up and be a scientist that sings. For Mothers day weekend we all traveled down to California for her singing competition this was the first Mothers day in so many years that I have spent with them , She didn't tell me that she had a solo in the competition and to my surprise there she was singing "I am just a small voice" she is petite and she is growing into a beautiful young lady. ooh and by the way she'll kick your butt at the drop of a hat!

# 3 Dyl pickle who got his name from the older siblings. Dylan Patrick Zapper he is testing, he is unsure of who I am. he is at the ripe old age of 8 who will soon be 9. I don't blame him for being weary about who I am. I mean come on, I think the last time I saw him he was 2 years of age, he has questions, he is uncertain but he is coming around, we are learning a lot about each other, he is the spitting image of my father with the ears and all. he has his fathers personality, and my temper. Julie their dad's fiance is who he calls Mom, he asked me one day if he could call me "Mother" and all I could think of was the Pink Floyd song so we decided on Momma .He also loves music the child has rhythm and wants a drum set, after great deliberation between his father and I we have decided NO! he has a wonderful talent of making people laugh, he is my sensitive one (if he reads this when he's older I am sure I'll never hear the end of it). He will be a professional dirt bike rider, or an author due to how much he reads.

and #4 the surprise of my life., after only having 6 months clean Jeremiah Michael Anderson aka "Bull Frog" , came into my life in a flash. he grew in my heart and not in my tummy for he is Mike's bio-logical son, I have had the great pleasure of raising him since he was 6 months old. at the time he was born I had no idea where my other 3 children where they could have been in Asia for all I knew, I didn't know how to live life with out a child to raise that is why I stuffed feelings with drugs. Jerem has been a great challenge, he was born drug-effected he has taught me patients he has taught me how to speak up for children who are in great need of special needs. He is the complete dare devil he has no fear except for the dark, he just graduated from pre-school and is getting ready for kindergarten. if I could guess what he will be when he grows up it would be a "stunt man"

for all my children I love them each and everyone, I love how they all have different personalities I fear my children, and still question if they like or even love me for what I have done, I work as a contractor for child welfare today and my job is to help mom's with drug and alcohol problems get their children back from the foster care system, each and every day I tell my story over and over again in hopes that just one mom will get it before it's too late,

When I was going through the custody battle with Mycalah and Dylan's Dad, I was so ashamed for what I had done, I faced humility, fear, and emotions that I have not brought up for years, someone had told me once that my children will be adults longer than children, BUT I don't care, I want them to be children, and by the grace of God I haven't missed out on High School or College graduations, marriages, and Grandchildren, The greats amends I can do for my children today is staying clean and sober, be present, and I will always love them unconditionally.

TODAY MY CHILDREN WILL NEVER SEE ME LOADED AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!